Post by Hush, it's K-Krush on Sept 7, 2010 1:44:17 GMT -5
The camera zooms out from Kofi Kingston's piercing white smile as the audience is met with a confident Kofi Kingston standing in the middle of the wrestling ring, trading in his tailored suit for a pair of personalized wrestling trunks. His sterling ECW Championship on his left shoulder, Kofi Kingston waits for his brand new theme song, "Kingston" by Sean Kingston, to die down as he nods his head to the addicting beat. It was almost like the theme song was trolling his audience as his theme music refused to die down. Eventually, he begins to laugh at his 'heelish' attempt, and motions the sound personnel to cut the music. "Lets face it, that song is going to be stuck in your heads for the rest of your poor, poor lives." He is fed with a thunderous uproar from the crowd as Kingston takes a step back to soak in his created atmosphere. "I absolutely love it. Just close your eyes and concentrate. The song is ridiculous." Kingston then closes his eyes and begins to stroke his beard, much like a generic super villain would do in today's popular media culture. As he does this, his theme music starts to play throughout the arena again, the crowd not liking it one bit. Opening his eyes, the music fades out, and Kingston is left smiling to his hateful audience. "Anyway, you're probably wondering why I'm here. Which I understand, it's not every day that the Kofi Kingston talks in front of all his adoring fans to make an announcement!" The audience had enough, they certainly weren't 'adoring' Kofi Kingston in any fashion, whatsoever.
Mouthing 'okay, okay' Kingston waits for the crowd to die down a bit before continuing with his announcement. "It's no secret that you all love Kofi Kingston. I step off the Corporation's personal jet and millions of you are flocking in my wake screaming for autographs, pictures, and kissing your extremely rancid babies, hoping that just a smudge of my essence rubs off onto your otherwise meaningless lives." He's flooded with rolls of toilet paper as he continues, "Which is why I'm here today, giving you exactly what you want! To see your AWWE ECW Champion in action." Holding his head up high upon his 'loving' audience, Kingston takes a moment to breathe in all his admiration. Then picking up a roll of toilet paper he holds it towards the camera and winks. "And thank you for reading my Tweet the other day. I was on my last roll of toilet paper this morning and I was starting to get a little tense over the situation. But thankfully, this should last until the next time I hit Wal*Mart and buy myself a 24 pack with my new Wal*Mart gift card." He holds his card up for the entire audience to see, the camera sneakily zooming in on the "Wal*Mart" logo.
"But you see, I still have a problem! I want to wrestle tonight, but...I don't have an opponent!" A fan in the audience non-nonchalantly screams 'yay!' as Kingston gives him an angry point with his index finger. "Hey, hey, hey. You don't want that mob of Kofi Kingston fans surrounding you to beat you up, do you? Because they will. My fans are hardcore like that!" The fan screams back 'what fans?' and Kingston merely shrugs him off. "As I said, I'm lacking an opponent, and these fans want to see their Kofi Kingston wrestle, just listen to them." The crowd begins to chant 'unsafe for work' chants as Kingston covers his ears. "Wow, you must really hate the wrestlers in the locker room! Regardless of they're saying about you guys, who wants to go one-on-one in a non-title, let me stress that, NON-TITLE match against me, Kofi Kingston?" He then smiles as he waits for his mystery opponent.
